Sunday, April 23, 2006

breathe on me....

i'm having one of those evenings where i am acutely aware of my need for some palpable care from another person. i'm not wholly sure what's wrong with me, but i feel physically unwell, emotionally tired, and just pretty much in need of a hug.

sure, it's been a long weekend - a long few weeks, in fact - and there's often an aftermath to such times. but there have also been a few world-shaking events of late that have passed through my life almost without disturbing the air around me. in their simplicity, they astonished me, but now, feeling what i feel, i have to wonder whether the boomerang effect has begun to rear its head....

so i'm sitting here at my desk, staring at a scar on the back of my right hand and wishing i weren't alone. feeling a little sad and lost in the woods and why-won't-anyone-come-and-save-me?

but the moment that my mind and heart go there, they are suddenly tugged by a love so high and wide and deep, it swallows all of me, my fears, my aching stomach, my heavy soul. and it, too, astonishes me in its simplicity. i am so grateful for that love. it changes and reshapes every moment. it makes streams in the desert. it breathes life into nothingness.

i don't know how, but everything will even out again. in the mean time, i want to close my eyes and inhale....

"breathe on me, breath of God, fill me with life anew, that i may love what Thou dost love, and do what Thou wouldst do...."

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