if i could put on this screen all that has transpired in my head over the last few days (and even this very night), there would be a long commitment on your part, dear reader, to get through it all. suffice it to say that i have realized one thing for sure: i am supposed to be alone in this season of my life. God has NEVER had my undivided attention in which i wasn't concocting some other plan for myself, and He is clearly over it.
and so it comes to this. the rug (which i have done my very best to straighten and place 'just so') has been pulled out from under me again (read: over and over for the last four months), and i am faced with lots of questions and very few answers. except this i know: i have been parading myself through carnival-esque funhouses (which weren't so fun after all) and looking in trick mirrors to try and rightly see the truth about myself. suffice it to say it didn't work so well.
i get it now. i see what You've been doing here. i'm ready to listen, Lord.