Saturday, January 14, 2006

i find errors for a living

yeah, so in my work as an editor, i've begun to realize something about myself: i notice wayyyy too much. sure, sure, it's super handy that i can point out if you make a grammatical misstep, but i mean things beneath the surface. like nuance-y things. things that make you go, 'hmmm....'

i'm starting to wonder if there is happiness to be found in being oblivious...if ignorance is, in fact, bliss. i mean, a lot of people i know who have accomplished their professional goals, gotten married, and are vacationing once a year in someplace sunny are actually rather NOT tuned in to the world around them.

i'm sure i'm talking crazy here, but has it ever occurred to anyone else that if you could just stop coming to realizations, stop figuring out 'the truth' about a situation, stop finding the errors in a manuscript, a movie, a relationship that you would just be happier and perhaps even more well-adjusted? it's starting to occur to me.

now i just have to figure out how to overlook the flaws. or maybe look at them differently. see them as beautiful? appreciate them for what they are? sure, okay. i could do that. as long as they don't involve improper use of a colon, errant comma splices, and dangling participles.

maybe this is about me coming to terms with my own flawed self. the mistakes i've made (and they are legion). the ways in which i've failed to grow up. i'm 30 years old. i feel like i don't know what i'm even doing with myself. or what i'm supposed to do. who it is that i'm supposed to become. how to feel. how to look. how to be.

i know what's wrong with me--what's wrong with my life. what i need to know is what is right. i'm sick of scavenging for pitfalls. i want to build mountains, change my surroundings, kick things up several notches. could someone just please tell me what to do?

no such luck, i suppose. it's yet another thing i've got to figure out on my own and for myself. i suppose i should be thankful, though. at least i know what not to do....


amber said...

i'm right there with you, friend. for what it's worth.

Devika said...

I agree, it is much easier to be happy if you live an unexamined life. But does that mean that you can't be aware and also have a happy heart? I say no. It's good you're thinking about all these things. And there'e nothing wrong with noticing what's amiss. Getting on with life even in the presence of the "flaws" is imporant.

Misnomi said...

Seeing the flaws allows you to recognize beauty and perfection when you do run across it and appreciate it more.