i'm alone in my apartment again (although truth be told, i'm not sure how much longer i'll be here) and the emptiness crowds in like too many people occupying an elevator built for one. i'm not sure that the weight of this can make it from my heart to my head. perhaps that's why this elevator is stuck midway, like a lump in my throat.
i'm not sure what to do next, Lord. i never thought i'd be sitting here this night, looking out my window, feeling all the things i feel. i never in a million years thought i'd be here. it doesn't feel right to me. it doesn't feel like You. it doesn't feel like anything You've done or are doing. and yet here i am.
if ever there were a need for grace pouring over me, covering me, drowning me, it's now. smother me until i can't breathe anything but You, God. You're all i have.
You, and this broken heart.