Thursday, September 15, 2005

boomerang

one thing i have noticed is that if you are able to wait on God long enough, things will start coming around again. now, admittedly, they may not look the way they did the first time, but when they arrive back on the scene, you will recognize them immediately for what they are.

tuesday morning when i arrived at work, i was hit with nothing short of a thunderbolt filled with insight, perspective, and understanding, all doused with a reminder that God's love for me is so much bigger than i ever remember. (yes, i am quite guilty of looking at my reflection, 'memorizing' what i see, and then immediately forgetting as soon as my eyes drift out of focus.) all of the small things that i'd been thinking about and feeling over the last 10 days of my life suddenly coalesced into this perfectly clear whole, and i could barely breathe at the intensity of it all.

and what's best about it is that even though this present reality isn't necessarily what i would have originally hoped for, as soon as i 'got it,' my heart knew it was right. in my experience, that is SO the way God works. His plans truly are better and far above mine.

so, wow. now what? well, here are a few things i know:

1. i want to pursue writing (and freelance editing) more than i ever have, and i am well on my way to doing this. it is my hope that eventually i will break free of 'the man' and be able to work for myself.
2. a spark was ignited inside me over the last week and i woke up and realized that i've been wasting time moving forward with being as healthy as i can possibly be. all the reasons are too much (and too personal) to explain here, but i feel ready to pursue change in a way that i don't think i've ever felt before.
3. i want to start seriously looking for a church again. for the first time in SEVERAL years, i actually miss the community of a local body. i wasn't ready for a long time to go back to that, but now i feel myself getting there. and it wasn't as a result of pressure or guilt, both of which would have motivated me in the past (no thanks!!).
4. i am tired of being a homebody and have started a social events calendar for myself, including fun outings, projects, short-term goals, and the like. without warning, i am becoming one of those women who won't be answering her phone, but not just because she doesn't feel like talking. i'll be too busy for all that chatter...much too busy living, that is.

i'm throwing myself out there, people. and only God knows what i'll look like when i loop back this way again. i'm sure the essence of me will be unmistakably there, but i can tell you now that it won't be the same old, same old. yes, indeed, i feel a change coming....

'cut the deck, better place your bet, 'cause the game ain't over yet....' (gene simmons, bruce kulick)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i love, love, love this surge of passion and energy! you have my unflagging support. oh, and if i've got to ride your ass like zorro, you gonna show me the money!

Salimah