this is me
i'm not sure if it's safe to say this or not, but i think i'm having a slight existential crisis. i can't explain it, really, but i feel like the emotions of my life are flashing before my heart and overwhelming me. and when i say life, i mean whole life.
this morning, as i was sorting through papers, i found some things that reminded me of the late 90s and frankly, the sadness was almost too much to bear. i don't know what's wrong with me; my life is fairly settled right now and i'm moving ahead, but it's as if regrets and memories of what could have been were sweeter than what is.
i have news for the world. hindsight is not always 20/20. sometimes, in looking back (even at our own misery) we don those all-too-familiar rose-colored glasses, grab a cocktail and some snacks, and sit back to enjoy a few moments or hours or years of blinded bliss.
that ain't my style.
and so what to do with all this stuff? well, for one thing, i threw a lot of things out today. letters i had written to God, to boys, to friends about boys. i don't want any of that trailing around behind me leaving its mark on my memories. those feelings have helped shape the person i've become, but they are not what define who i am today.
who am i?
well, for one thing, i'm 30 now. but i'll be honest: i'm still trying to figure all that out. let me take some deep breaths; i'll get back to you on that one....