Monday, April 11, 2005

moving on....

well, it's official. it's open window weather around these parts. i always have mixed emotions about this time of year, because i love the thought of being able to sleep in the cool night air, but it's also the time when allergies really kick in for me. i'm not sure if i can 'mind-over-matter' it this time around, but i'm sure gonna try....

in other news, i went walking yesterday morning on a track near my house. it was truly a lovely experience. then, this morning, in a surge of inspiration, i walked around outside for about a half mile, just to get the blood flowing. it feels good to be moving. staying still makes my bones ache.

and, well, if i'm being honest, my heart doesn't like to be in one place for a long time, either. it's not that i feel the need to run, but i think that a bit of wanderlust was knit into my DNA somewhere, because i like the idea of turning a new page, even if the main things in life stay as they are. i'm up for new sights, new sounds, new tastes. i like a change of scenery.

michael's taking an audition next month a few states away, and if he gets the job, i'm going with him....this whole idea feeds my body's drive to move ahead, make progress, avoid stagnation. and while it saddens me beyond words to think of what (or whom) i will leave behind, of having to start over with only one person beside me, i'm just aching for that page to turn.

and turn, it must.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

running list

things i simply heart right now, in no particular order:

1. whole wheat pastry flour
2. wallaby organic yogurt
3. edamame (a little salt, a lot of YUM)
4. a three-day weekend, when the third day is monday
5. being able to open my windows
6. italian lemon soda
7. my new eucalyptus body butter, compliments of cat:)
8. my FREE mary kay lotions and potions, compliments of salimah(note: normally, i'm not a mary kay fan, but how can you go wrong with FREE?)
9. quizno's subs. toasty yumminess.
10. my very cute and charming boyfriend (because he always deserves to be on the list!)

Sunday, April 03, 2005


this weekend has been a melange of family and friends, of old and new, of joy and sorrow, of here and there.

friday, i left work early and michael and i went to a friend's wedding in frederick, maryland. the highlight of that evening, by far, was the irish dancers that her father had hired to surprise the couple. i swear - it was riverdance all up close and personal. and it was, by far, one of the coolest things i've ever seen.

yesterday, michael and i drove in the driving rain down to bethesda and hooked up with my parents, had dinner and lively conversation at p.f. chang's, and then went to a mozart concert at strathmore hall (in which michael was playing with the national philharmonic). we bid my parents a fond adieu and returned home. i was up entirely too late, and i found myself feeling a little tired of all the comings and goings. i decided to lay low and sleep in this morning.

after fitful dreams and not as much rest as i'd like, i awoke this morning around 8:30, puttered about for a few hours, and left to go pick up salimah for a girls' day out. we had lunch at the lovely glas-z cafe in mt. washington and then tooled around an overpriced (but charming) book shop next door. realizing that we would find nothing in our budgets, we headed back to pikesville and hit the B&N (where i scored a couple of cheap and needed books on budgeting and cancer prevention diets) and then the pier one (window shopping only there). we then picked up some much-needed sundries at the safeway and headed back to my abode. dinner was jerk pork cubes with lime, orange, and caramelized onions; refried beans; pineapple salsa; and a warmed tortilla to wrap it all up.

all in all, a busy and event-filled weekend. some nice food. some nice time with loved ones. nothing amiss, per se. if i'm being honest, though, i must admit that there has been a current of sadness woven through my days and nights of late. it's not that i'm depressed; it's more that some things are working their way to the surface of my heart and demanding to be heard. when pain knocks loud, i've learned that it's best to listen.

in the midst of the wedding on friday, there was a new beginning, but the years of sadness and waiting sat quietly in the wings, palpable if ineffective. there is no room for them anymore in the life of my friend; joy has made a home in her heart, and there are no other houseguests when that is the case. and yet the truth of the past still lingers. that is how it is with life. even when things are going really well, when there is nothing 'wrong' and you've got plenty to do and much to hope for, sometimes those sidelined, old, and outdated wounds remind you that they're still hanging around, just in case.

and one must tip one's hat to them from time to time. it is the reminder of the pain that makes joy and hope all that much sweeter.

and sitting here at home on this sunday night, with tears streaming down my face, i'm trying to tell myself just that.