Monday, October 25, 2004

if i wrote you a letter, it would say this:

today was less than stellar. i wound up having to stay at work for a total of 11.5 hours so that i could finish up a project before tomorrow morning. technically i didn't have to stay, but the thought of having to extend the editing of this reprint for another day was making me want to cry. i was the last to leave the office at 7 and the darkness enveloped me as i left the building.

you can't imagine how alone i felt in that moment, walking to my car in the darkened parking lot. even the dashboard lights didn't seem as bright tonight. the night was insistent, unyielding.

and was it an accident that while i drove down the highway towards my empty apartment, all the songs spoke of waiting and longing and wanting something other than what is now? i don't think so. i said this to you already, but it is the feeling of not belonging that is truly maddening. the realization that, in the midst of many, you're the only one there....and in the company of new friends, you still feel that you don't quite fit.

but the memory of your arms around me - with only the light from the kitchen casting shadows on the wall - warms me, even in my sadness. the truth is, i don't want to be anywhere else but with you.

with you, i know where i belong.

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