Thursday, April 29, 2004

home improvement

i am seeking out more of a sense of 'home' for myself. i feel that i've existed too long without much in the way of decoration in the places i've lived (other than art on the walls). so i am devising a plan to bring fun and ambiance into my apartment. as of tuesday evening, i now have RED curtains hanging in my dining room....i hung them up myself:). next, i may look into painting my bedroom (perhaps red and taupe?) and rearranging my furniture a bit. but at the very least, i hope to purchase curtains for that room (and maybe my office will get a shabby chic look) and create a reading area for myself so that i actually spend time in my bedroom doing activities other than sleeping:).

anyone have any fun ideas for decorating your place without spending the big bucks?? i'm taking suggestions....

Monday, April 26, 2004

the beginning of the end

well, in approximately 8 weeks, there will be resolution of my work woes: i will no longer be employed at my company. i found out today that, at the end of may, i can no longer work full-time hours. i will be cut back to 20 hours a week and then, at the end of june (should i decide to stay that long), i will be out of a job.

my boss took me into the conference room to deliver this news, and i can honestly say that it was much harder on her than on me. to be honest, i've been preparing myself for this for about 6 months now. frankly, i'm kind of over it.

besides which (and i told her as much), i know that if i'm not working there anymore, it's because the time is over for such things. and i'm placing my trust in God, because He's the only One who's kept me afloat all this time. and i really feel mostly calm about it....but i also don't feel calm. i'm fine and yet not fine.

Lord, please open a new door. a wider door. a door leading to better places than where this road is currently headed. i know you can do this.

if not You, then no one.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

what they don't know....

i'm performing clandestine blogging maneuvers while here at my job. speaking of which, people are getting hired left and right, but not me. honestly, between that and the fact that i don't qualify for a bonus (since i'm not permanent) even though i've been here nearly a year, i'm feeling rather poo about my work life just now.

last night i wrote the first poem i've penned in ages. who can predict when the mood will strike? apparently tuesday at midnight is a good time for my creative juices to get all floetic and what-not, so i had to forego sleep in favor of something more higher-roadish. my puffy eyes and dragging butt this morning would beg to differ....

i have just started a monsta of a course - first grade reading & writing. i may go blind before this is all over. but for now, a respite, a few words thrown out into the void.

hello, dear void. is anyone listening??

Saturday, April 17, 2004

exchange of goods

feeling bummed about my lack of music-playing abilities in my house, yesterday, i got a great deal on this. it doubles as a dvd player/stereo system (has a radio and a 5-disc changer) and the sound coming off of it is quite good for my needs. anyway, salimah, who has been wanting a dvd player, will get the one i had (only a year old) and can start adding to her dvd collection in her new place.

now i can rescue all my cds from their exile in travel sleeves and put them on display. let the listening begin!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

post resurrection musings

well, i was sick all weekend. it was seriously the dreariest easter i've had in awhile, but even in the midst of a lot of stomach pain and seriously wet weather, i experienced joy and was able to focus my mind and heart on worshipping God in all His majesty. 'the passion' was an overwhelming but completely worthwhile experience - both cinematic and spiritual - and i am grateful to God for the very large-scale reminder of His inestimable love.

i'm starting to feel better (finally!) and am just taking in the ability to eat again. now if the stomach cramps would just cease....

nevertheless, the Lord is so good to me. as always, there is a breakthrough of sun after the downpour.

and what the rain yields will be just lovely....

Friday, April 09, 2004

i have nothing else to say but this....

when i survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died,
my richest gain i count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

forbid it, Lord, that i should boast,
save in the death of Christ my God!
all the vain things that charm me most,
i sacrifice them to His blood.

see from His head, His hands, His feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down!
did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
spreads o’er His body on the tree;
then i am dead to all the globe,
and all the globe is dead to me.

were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

--isaac watts

Thursday, April 08, 2004

maundy thursday

i decided, after much deliberation, to take tomorrow off from work. every other year, i have been home for good friday, but i had been vacillating this year due to our impending deadline. i felt conflicted about it, though, because good friday is quite possibly the most special day of the year to me personally. the only reason that we have easter sunday is because good friday happened first. He had to die so He could rise again....

tonight i will go and see 'the passion' with salimah and then i will begin my fast, which will end at sundown tomorrow. it seems only appropriate to experience a kind of physical emptiness. i want only to be filled by Him. my heart is ready....

"when the hour came, Jesus took his place at the table, and the apostles with Him. He said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer; for I tell you, I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God." then He took a cup, and after giving thanks He said, "take this and divide it among yourselves; for I tell you that from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes." then He took a loaf of bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, "this is my body, which is given for you. do this in remembrance of me." and He did the same with the cup after supper, saying, "this cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood."*

Jesus, YOU are the passover lamb who was slain for us; therefore, let us keep the feast. alleluia.

*luke 22:14-20

Monday, April 05, 2004

no, i haven't been under a rock. i've just had nothing to say. but here's a little snippet, while i'm thinking of it:

i do not like my job.

there...i said it. don't worry; this isn't about to turn into a whine-fest where i talk in great detail about all the things i don't like. and this, honestly, will not come as a shock to anyone who is remotely close to me at this point in my life. i just needed to say it out loud. type it out loud. again.

and no, nothing happened. i've just had some frustrating days, weeks, months, and it wears a girl down after awhile.

and now i'm sitting in my apartment that is ICE COLD ('what's cooler than bein' cool?') and realizing that i need to find something resembling dinner before 10 p.m. rolls around. i am not thrilled with all of this.

but i am okay.

more soon (hopefully)....