Saturday, February 28, 2004

ya-ya dreams

i watched 'divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood' (my second or third viewing) last night before going to bed, and i feel like all my dreams were inspired by strong women. good timing.

today, i went and picked up salimah for our celebration dinner (since she got into grad school). we went to fridays and had drinks and an early meal (including salimah's 'bowl-o-liquor') before i carted salimah off to get her a surprise (i made her keep her eyes closed the entire time in the car, so she couldn't possibly know where i was going). i got her this tote she'd really been wanting that has photos of kitties in hats and coats all over it (so cute!) and a book she'd also really been wanting. she was quite surprised and seemed overwhelmingly delighted:). i love presents!

afterwards, we stopped at safeway for a few necessities - cookie dough ice cream included - and then headed back to my nearly clean apartment (i spent hours tidying, dusting, and vacuuming earlier, but still have yet to scrub anything) where we will now watch some movies and chill out for the rest of the evening.

things i learned today are as follows:

1. do NOT drink a bahama mama after having had NOTHING in your stomach all day. tipsiness will ensue.
2. when the waiter, after checking your i.d., begins calling you by name over and over again, that can only be a good sign.
3. if you want your best friend to buy you some ice cream, spend an inordinate amount of time staring into the freezers at the grocery store; she will eventually get entirely sick of the process and just offer to buy the more expensive brand you had already chosen in favor of you hemming and hawing over something on sale.

good times.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

the hebrew crackers were a bust

in a moment of what i am certain was hurried disorientation, michael accidentally went to the kosher market for me last night. you see, i've been waylayed with the stomach flu (left early from work yesterday after nearly passing out, and then have been home all day today), and he was going to rescue me by stopping by safeway and then bringing me ginger ale and saltines. unfortunately, all this kosher place had was some 'shop-rite' brand that, as it turned out, was past its expiration date by 3 months. normally, this might not bother me for something as non-perishable as soda crackers, but these were just stale and tasted a bit like their plastic wrapper.

eww.

i was still grateful for the supplies, though. and in fact, after his tai chi class, he went to the safeway and this time came loaded with even more stuff (real crackers included) for my very angry tummy.

and as if that weren't enough, he then went to salimah's place and bought her ice cream as a way of congratulating her for getting into grad school at hopkins. what a sweetheart.....then again, i knew that already;).

as for me, i feel icky still. not much has moved through my system in the last two days. in fact, mostly, it feels as though i have a huge lump in there somewhere. it's making me very tired and woozy, it hurts and frankly, i'm over it. not that i'd ever be into it, mind you, but this is just getting ridiculous.

i'm hoping that i will miraculously feel better tomorrow morning. if not, it's another day of waiting for things to work themselves out.

ick.

and yet, in the midst of it all, i'm so very, very grateful for what i've got in my life. or, should i say, whom....:)

Monday, February 23, 2004

2 corinthians 3:17

i haven't really felt like writing so much in the last few days. perhaps because i've been busy living my life and having my hair blown back by God's amazing love and power at work in my heart. the events of this weekend are too crazy and precious to type out and share with the world. i will, however, say this: i have been a Christian for 10 years, and i always knew that there were parts of me that have held back from fully receiving God's love for me. He has worked to chip away at so much of that over the last two years, but there was still a blockage. no more.

now i KNOW that freedom is mine. i had possessed this knowledge in my head for so long, but this weekend, it transferred to my heart in a greater, more profound way. the Lord removed years and years of heartache and burden all in one evening of prayer. i mean it; my very memories are not the same....Jesus, i am astonished at your grace. truly, "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (john 8:36)

i'm banking on that promise, Lord....

and whatever comes next, i am ready for it...for more of You.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

i'm going to tell you what's genius.

what's genius is when someone makes you a club sandwich and he constructs it in such a way that EACH BITE of said sandwich contains all of the pertinent ingredients: turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, mayo, health bread (complete with several varieties of seed and grain). let me tell you - i HEART the sandwich man at gourmet again....

oh, and did i mention that he gave me TWO spears of kosher dill instead of one?

*sigh*

Monday, February 16, 2004

how do you like THEM apples?

okay, so i just got a truly bad haircut. i mean, really, it's shorter than i wanted (thankfully, i have LOTS to spare - a.k.a., she could have cut off 12", and i still would have been okay)...but also, it was just crooked. and frankly, she was not paying attention. and also, it just was the hair cuttery, people.....

but this is not the point.

the point is that i DID it. you see, i have to rewind a bit in order for you to understand what i mean....

so basically, i've been needing a haircut for months. MONTHS. the last time a pair of scissors touched my hair, it was april of 2003. that's a long time - even for me - to have gone without some trimming. anyway, i normally schedule my haircuts around visits to richmond, since i have a hairdresser there that i know and love (she's been the only person to cut my hair, basically since 1987). BUT i haven't been to richmond in awhile, and i'm probably not going to make it down there anytime soon. and the straw-like ends of my hair were just getting more and more so, and it was making me feel very stressed and not wanting to wear my hair down or do anything with it. and then, there were the headaches. oh Lord, the headaches. the sheer weight of having my hair in a bun (which was the style of choice, because of the aforementioned straw) basically pulled on my scalp such that i've been in pain nearly every day for months on end.

anyway, it was getting to be altogether too much. but the problem existed as this: i have major anxiety about letting someone else touch my hair. so today, i basically freaked out and hemmed and hawed and talked to salimah and michael about it for about an hour....and consulted my coworkers (who clearly thought i was a bit nuts)....and sat and stewed....and then i realized that i had to do something about it. i had to bite the bullet and let a stranger (*gasp*) cut my hair....

so i went to the hair cuttery near my home and i waltzed in, cool as can be, and i put myself in the hands of this woman who was not REALLY that focused. and after my "four inches" were gone and it was clear to me that it was really eight...and that it was not straight...i sweetly smiled and asked her to blow dry it a bit "so i won't catch cold." and then i got up, paid my 15 bucks (including tip) and left.

and i felt positively giddy.....shall i go so far as to say elated.....okay, maybe not that far. but i realize that the sheer weight of my anxiety was hurting me more than my hair-induced headaches. so i looked my fear, irrational as it may have been, straight in the eye, and i told it where it could go, and then i went ahead and did what i needed to do.

and so the outcome wasn't fabulous. but it's really all good. really.

besides, in a few months, i'll be getting it fixed by someone i trust. in the meantime,

i like my apples just fine....

Thursday, February 12, 2004

if i'm being honest....

okay, so the aforementioned nervousness has subsided, and the aforementioned plans have been rescheduled for next weekend. it was going to be too much of a logistical nightmare, after all, so it's better to have time to enjoy the time rather than rushing; at least this is my theory....

************************************

i just watched a documentary about some teen girls in baltimore who came up through the system and were put back into society. one of them (whose junkie mother was in and out of jail) went back onto the streets, basically, while the other spent a year in a group home and then was placed back with her family just months before her mother died (at the age of 34, i might add). this girl's whole world had been rocked consistently for four years (she had originally been put away after stabbing a girl to death), and when she finally catches a break, everything is shattered all over again.

and yet, in the final moments of the program, we see her a year later. she's now 4th in her class and is preparing for her prom, the whole neighborhood coming out to see her off. and she posed for picture after picture, this huge smile plastered across her face.

and all i could think of was....this girl has been through hell on earth, and yet she somehow manages to find delight in something so simple. she has no money, no mother, and enough of the world's reasons to be jaded, and yet her face is shining like a little girl's and she is not ashamed.

and somewhere inside, where i have yet to recognize my own freedom to be who i am, the ache is throbbing....

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

just keep it steady....

i made some boneless ribs tonight...they were basically pork steaks:) first, i marinated them all day in a chipotle bbq sauce and then roasted them in a hot oven, finishing them off with a brown sugar & chili powder coating, which melted and got brown....i wish i had had several hours to let them slow cook, but i was in a time crunch, so it didn't work out quite as i had hoped. oh well. they were still pretty tasty and, along with some baked mac and cheese and string beans, made for a rather homey meal....

in other news, i got asked to lunch or dinner for one day this weekend (it had to be sunday, actually, because saturday was already booked with girls' day out plans). i don't know that it's for valentine's day, per se, but being taken out is a bit different than hanging in and watching a dvd from netflix. definitely a thumbs-up kind of idea in my book....

as a sidebar: i feel very nervous right now, unrelated to all of the above. i'm not really sure what's causing it, but i sense something churning.

you know, breathing always has been a rather good idea....

that's right. in AND out....

in.

AND.

out.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

simple pleasures

i don't mean to carry on like a wee school girl, but i am positively THRILLED that i have found a way to actually burn CDs on my laptop that can then be heard on an actual STEREO. will wonders never cease.

let this be a lesson: the right materials can make ALL the difference.....

Friday, February 06, 2004

'what a way to make a living....'

okay, so i deleted my last post with that map of the u.s., which showed just how un-traveled i truly am. it was failing to show up. i can't have that....

things are seriously brewing at my place of business. people are one meeting shy of losing it. there's this relatively laid-back curriculum developer who has begun to get very bloodshot, twitchy eyes. we're all overworked and are sitting under deadlines that are completely unreasonable (and getting more and more stringent by the day), and i am waiting for a smackdown the likes of which wwf has never seen.

OH, and when salimah suggested to our boss that we perhaps hire someone else temporarily, this chick's 'solution' was to reduce my hours to be able to pay for that. right. that makes so much sense. she so has it in for me, and she's not even really that concerned anymore with hiding it....

the bottom line of this all is that i need a new job - one with paid time off and some insurance and stock options. honestly, at this point, i'd settle for just some paid time off. perhaps in the mean time, though, i should get some betting going on the downlow - which one of these people will be the FIRST to march off the job in a frustrated huff?

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't hoping it's me:)