Sunday, October 13, 2002

'hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.' - proverbs 13:12

just returned from pennsylvania, and i must say that i am changed. this weekend was beautiful, relaxing, filled with a lot of fellowship, laughter, excellent teaching (on the book of proverbs), and mostly rest for my heart. we went to a retreat center run by mennonites in central pennsylvania (not that far from where my grandparents used to live). all around us were the beautiful mountains that have been part of me since i was little....the fog rolled in and held us there all weekend, making everything a dream.....the air was still and the night was so very dark. i sank into sleep and felt all my muscles give way to my exhaustion.

before i left for this weekend, i was afraid to ask God to speak to me about anything, because lately, the themes of my life have had much to do with sadness and loss. but in the last 2 days, God renewed my hope in Him....reminded me that there IS purpose to my existence....showed me that it is a joy to love and serve the living God, even in times of trial.....ESPECIALLY in times of trial. and the understandings surrounded my heart subtlely, easing me into truth....and grace, like a river, flooded me once again.

even my consistently clouded mind was somehow cleared, giving me wisdom and resolve regarding some relational issues that have been plaguing me for several years now. it is time to make right the bless and not heal and not uncover and not conceal. it is the time of renewal.

i feel the roots sinking a bit deeper now....

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